


Haunted

by Weasleymama



Series: Kiss With A Fist [2]
Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Dark Past, Domestic Violence, F/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Murder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2018-10-19 06:56:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10634631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weasleymama/pseuds/Weasleymama
Summary: Sequel toThe Last TimeKermit is dead. Katy is in prison.Maya lives on.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> This author replies to all comments!

> _ Maya’s heart raced as she stared past the gun to her father’s eyes. Cold and hollow. His smile was like something out of a horror film – bloody teeth from where she’d slammed her knee into his mouth. She’d just wanted it all to stop. But nothing ever seemed to end for her. She stopped crying, stopped feeling pain long before – or so she thought.  _
> 
> _ She pulled the trigger and expected to see him fall backwards with a gaping hole in his chest. She expected to see the blood stain his sweaty t-shirt and pool around him on the old carpet. But nothing happened when she pulled the trigger. Kermit laughed at her as she pulled it again – still nothing. His bloody teeth got closer as he stood – still laughing at her as he reached for her. Fear like she hadn’t felt in years hit her as his hands reached for her throat. “Stupid little girl.” He splattered blood on her face as he spoke. “You can’t leave me. I won’t let you.” He gripped her throat, choking the life out of her slowly as he laughed at her. _
> 
> Maya shot up fast gasping for breath as she clawed at hands that hadn’t been around her neck in months. Her skin was covered in a cold sweat that made the sheets stick to her skin. It had only been another nightmare similar to hundreds before it. 
> 
> It took her a moment to take in her actual surroundings on a mattress on the floor, single apartment, chipping paint. Liquor store light from across the street gave the whole apartment a green glow that made her feel nauseous. A man lay beside her in only boxer shorts with tattoos down his arms. He had shoulder length brown hair covering his face and she couldn’t bring herself to remember what he looked like. 
> 
> She pushed her hands through her hair and quickly pulled the long blonde waves into a messy bun. She slid off the mattress and searched around quickly for her clothes. She pulled on the items silently – a skill she’d perfected – and tossed her bag over her shoulder. She reached down beside the guy, swiping a pack of cigarettes and a lighter before she slipped out of the tiny apartment. The man woke up when the door closed behind her, seeing the girl who introduced herself as Lydia was gone he only shrugged and went back to sleep.
> 
> Maya had a lit cigarette between her lips as soon as she left the building. She walked without fear to the nearest subway station despite the sketchy neighborhood. She no longer cared about what happened to her – no one on the streets of New York could do anything worse to her than her own father had done.
> 
> She didn’t rush as she made her way back to the Upper East Side – not looking like she belonged there at all. She climbed through the window just as she’d always done only now a bed of her own waited for her on the opposite side of the room from Riley’s. 
> 
> “She’s home.” Cory confirmed as he slipped back into the bedroom with his wife – like most nights, the two sat awake waiting for Maya to come home. Topanga had tried in the beginning to keep Maya home, to keep her from making mistakes but was only met with an angry teenager screaming ‘you’re not my mother!’ in her face. After so many fights, they’d resigned to letting her be for the most part. It was a situation neither of them had ever prepared for – not just raising someone else’s kid, but that kid being abused all her life by a man who was supposed to take care of her and then seeing him murdered by her own mother. They read the books, they did all they could to help Maya, but in the end the Matthew’s were in over their heads. 
> 
> There had been a time in her life when living with this family had been a dream. She even convinced herself she was in love with the youngest Matthew’s brother just to keep that dream of being one of them alive in her young mind. But now that she was there, now that it was legal and official – it was the last thing in the world she wanted. The house was too quiet, everyone was too nice. She’d never thought about ‘too nice’ before, but she’d always had the alternative to go home to at night before. No one in that house would ever hit her, but the sudden lack of chaos in her life startled Maya in a way she never understood. 
> 
> She needed the chaos, she needed the pain, it was the only thing that had been constant in her life for sixteen years and to have it abruptly stopped seemed to put Maya in a strange state of shock. She missed her mother, she was sure that she’d even go back to Kermit still living with them to have her mother back. She knew what Katy had done for her, she’d fallen on the sword to keep her daughter out of prison and Maya knew she couldn’t ever tell a soul who really pulled the trigger. There was a good chance her mother was going to spend the rest of her life in prison to keep that secret and Maya wouldn’t let that be in vain. She felt no remorse for shooting him, she knew she’d do it again…and nightly in recurring nightmares, she did just that.
> 
> She didn’t have close friends anymore. Riley of course was there for her, they shared a room, they were like sisters – or so everyone thought. But deep down, Maya had even stopped letting Riley’s sunshine brighten her life. Maya no longer considered that bay window her safe place. She didn’t need a safe place to hide anymore now that her father was dead. Now it was just a window to leave from, and easy exit to a life that was far too perfect to be real. No, this kind of life wasn’t for Maya, and she knew it. She wasn’t one of them and never could be. She didn’t deserve this life.
> 
>  
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> Once arrested, Katy’s first step was to call Topanga when she was arrested. “I killed Kermit. I’m in jail.” She spoke in clear short sentences with no emotion in her voice. Topanga stood frozen in shock as she listened while Katy used her one phone call to make sure her daughter was taken care of. “I need you to take Maya, they took her to the hospital, they’re going to send her to social services. Please, Topanga, please take care of my baby.” 
> 
> Something took over for Topanga, overriding the shock and letting her legal mind take control. She wasn’t sure how she even managed to print out the forms for guardianship. She wasn’t sure how she managed to make the following calls. But by the time she arrived at the hospital she’d seen Katy, gotten her signature and assured her that she would find her the best criminal attorney in the city and not to speak to anyone until her lawyer arrived. 
> 
> Emotion didn’t hit Topanga until she found Maya in the emergency room. The small blonde sat with her knees to her chest. She was bloody and bruised and clearly beaten down. She rocked back and forth as she stared ahead. And while Maya didn’t cry, tears filled Topanga’s eyes. How had she not seen this? How had she missed that something was terribly wrong in that house? This little girl was at her house almost daily for years. She’d seen normal kid injuries on her. A broken arm once with a completely understandable explanation. But now every injury, every hint of something about Maya seemed to mean something else.
> 
> It would never stop plaguing Topanga and Cory that they’d missed years of abuse – that this child, so close to their own had been suffering all her life and no one saw it to help her. The guilt wore them down, kept them from disciplining Maya too much – if at all. They always found a reason to let her behavior slide. She was going to school, she had a job after school and she was on birth control. She showed levels of responsibility even if it was taken away by her lack of coming home until she pleased. The young couple couldn’t bring themselves to be too hard on her, not after all she’d already been through. 
> 
> Maya had begged her mother to let her confess to what she’d done, but Katy made the young girl swear never to tell a soul. “I love you, baby girl, I won’t let my choices ruin your whole life.” Katy tried to explain. “Staying with your dad was my fault and this is my debt to pay. You are going to go do good things, you’ll go to school, and you’ll grow and do better than I ever did. You are so strong baby, you’re going to make it.”
> 
> Maya let her mother make the choices, she didn’t testify, she didn’t tell anyone what she’d done and she let Katy be sentenced to 15 years to life for the murder of her husband. They’d tried to get off from self-defense, but the prosecutor was good and used the fact that Kermit had been on the ground when he was shot – that the shooter had to be standing for the angle of the bullet. It had been determined that his position meant he wasn’t an immediate threat – that shooting to kill him wasn’t necessary to survive. Even with Topanga’s incredible attorney, the evidence against Katy was too much.
> 
> Katy would serve time at Bedford Hills Correctional Facility for Women. Maya made the two hour train ride from Manhattan every week to be sure to visit her mother on Sundays. She made sure her mother had money in her prison account, that she had anything she needed or would want. She wanted her mother to know that she was going to be okay, that the sacrifice Katy made for her wasn’t unappreciated.
> 
>  
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> Once Katy Hart was on trial the knowledge of Maya’s life became very public – and everything she’d been hiding for more than 10 years, all became known to everyone. She hated being treated different, it made it harder to know who really gave a damn about her and who just felt guilty for her life. She had never been overly open to making friends outside of her group, and was even less so now. She found it insincere when strangers approached her to say they were sorry or ask her about her mom. 
> 
> Her friends all seemed to handle it differently themselves. Riley overcompensated with her love and affection – sometimes to the point of annoyance. But even when Maya snapped at her, she didn’t waver. Zay wanted to make her smile and did everything he could to do it anytime they were together. Farkle gave her space, but seemed to find his own ways to offer support – making sure she did well in all her classes. They were all predictable to Maya – and Lucas was the most predictable of all. He went into a protective overdrive. He apologized to her for not helping her. He wanted to protect her from everything in the world to make up for not being able to protect her when it counted. His temper raged at the smallest provocation where Maya was concerned. If anyone even slightly insulted her, he was ready to fight them on the spot.
> 
> She never let him know she didn’t need his protection – after all she’d been able to kill a man and move on – what was a 17 year old boy going to do that she couldn’t do? But she liked that he cared enough to try to help her – in the same way she liked that the Matthew’s took her in. She appreciated it, she didn’t want to lose it, but she knew she didn’t really deserve it. Maya loved her friends, she loved all they did for her – but she was a murderer now and she knew they should have better than her. 


	2. Chapter 2

> “Maya?” Cory asked and everyone turned to face her. She raised her head and met his eyes - hers circled in black makeup and blood-shot, his hopeful that she would participate in class – even just a little. But as she just stared at him silently Cory let out a sigh, “Can you give me a quote by Gandhi that has stuck with you, please?”
> 
> “Nope.” She said simply. 
> 
> “Come on, Maya I know you did the reading. The man has said some brilliant things that we can all learn from.” He pushed. “I can’t give you a class participation grade if you never say a word. Now give me one quote by Gandhi.”
> 
> She glared up at her teacher with cold eyes that he hated seeing. “Fine. ‘The good done by violence is only temporary; the **_evil_** it does is forever’.” While the exact wording was off, she’d made her point causing every student in the class to look at anything but her. “Want another? ‘There is _nothing_ worth _killing_ for’.” Her look was mocking, a half grin that didn’t give any sign she was happy as she shook her head at her teacher. “But you wanted something different huh?” Her tone changed to mock the words “Be the change you want to see in the world.” And she let out a dry laugh. “Yeah, find a bumper sticker for that shit.” She added, rolling her eyes as she grabbed her bag and stood up. 
> 
> “Maya!” Cory snapped as she walked out the door. “Maya, get back in here.” But his words didn’t stop her. He turned to Riley first but she kept her eyes on her book. She focused on a single ink mark on the side of the page as she tried to make herself invisible. She’d never succeeded in saving Maya; she wasn’t going to be any good at it now.
> 
> It was Lucas to slowly raise his hand. “Sir, I think she takes offense to some things said by Gandhi.”
> 
> “Clearly, Mister Friar,” Cory replied with a disappointed sigh. Lucas’s cheeks went a little pink at his obvious observation. He looked expectantly to Riley, why wasn’t she going after Maya? When it was clear to him no one was going to make the move, he raised his hand once more.
> 
> “Sir, may I…?” he nodded towards the door.
> 
> “Yeah, go.” Cory huffed with a wave of his hand. He was losing his faith in Maya pulling out of the darkness she’d fallen into.
> 
> Riley watched with sad eyes as Lucas was the one to follow her best friend out of class – something she’d once done. She had always been the best friend who fixed things. But she couldn’t fix things anymore and she couldn’t help but wonder who she was now without that role. 
> 
> Afraid he wouldn’t be able to catch up with Maya, Lucas moved quickly out of the room. With one sight of the back of her head he called out her name. Maya turned to see him and chuckled as she waved and then disappeared around the corner. “Dammit” he muttered and took off down the hall after her. As soon as he turned the corner there she was.
> 
> “Boo!” She said with a laugh, completely catching him off guard causing his sneakers to squeal against the floor. He caught himself just in time so he didn’t slam into her and while at first he was annoyed, hearing her laugh – even at him – sounded so good he didn’t care anymore that she’d nearly knocked him down. “Matthew’s send you to bring me back?”
> 
> “No. I wanted to come see if you were okay.” 
> 
> She eyed him then and realized that no one else was coming and while part of her was sad, another part of her was relieved. Maybe they were finally seeing what she’d seen all along. They deserved better than she could ever be. “Well I’m fine so you can mosey on back to class.” 
> 
> Lucas reached out as she turned to walk away from him. “Hey wait. You didn’t seem fine before. Seemed like some of that Gandhi lesson really got to you.”
> 
> Maya let out a sarcastic chuckle. “Gandhi.” She shook her head. “You know what I hate about school?” She began starting to walk and leaving it up to him if he walked with her – and of course he did. “I hate how they give us things to learn, ask what we feel and think…but they don’t really want to know what **we** think. They just want to indoctrinate us with how **they** feel about it. Don’t you notice it? How Matthews teaches us to **feel** a certain way about things, not just learn the facts? It’s really messed up.” 
> 
> Sadness hit him as she spoke, she wasn’t entirely wrong, but Lucas didn’t think it made Mr. Matthew’s a bad teacher, he’d learned a lot from the man. “He just wants us to grow as people rather than be able to recite dates from memory.”
> 
> “He wants us to grow into the people **he** wants us to be.” She corrected. “He doesn’t want me to be the person I really am.”
> 
> “That’s not true.” But she just eyed him – unconvinced. “Maya, he loves you, you’re like his second daughter.”
> 
> “No.” She shook her head. “He wants to, but he doesn’t. He’s like Riley, he wants to fix me, but I’m not fixable.” She paused as they reached the side exit door. “You better get back to class.” 
> 
> “You too.” He said trying to step around her and block the door. 
> 
> “Nah, I’m done.” 
> 
> “You have art next period.”
> 
> “So?” 
> 
> His brow furrowed at her words. Was this happening? “So it’s art class. You love art class. Where are you going?”
> 
> “You don’t really want to know what I do, Huckleberry.” She told him as she reached for the door, but he put a hand to the handle to stop her – feeling challenged. 
> 
> “Why not?” He scoffed. “I wasn’t always Lucas the Good or Mr. Perfect or any of that shit, you know.” 
> 
> “Right,” she said with another laugh. “And I wasn’t always damaged.” She side stepped and pushed at the other door and stepped outside and squinting as the sun hit her face. She had only taken a few steps when she stopped short and turned on her heel to face him. “Nope.” His intentions to follow her were clear. “This is a solo mission, cowboy. Go back to class before they all come looking for you.”
> 
>  
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> “Maya spent so long hiding what was happening to her, hiding who she was inside just to keep the secrets and shame buried. And once it all came out, I think that she realized that she did it all for nothing. Everyone found out anyway. I don’t think she can come back from that….as much as we all want her to.” Farkle spoke without too much emotion in his voice. He needed to keep it logical, it was the only way he knew to cope.
> 
> “But if it was all hiding who she really was…then how do we even know that the girl we all loved was really Maya anyway?” Zay asked bluntly causing everyone to turn to face him as if the truth had just smacked them all in the face.
> 
> “We…don’t.” Farkle replied simply. “But if we want to keep her around, we have to give her room to grow…just like you did for me.” He sighed a little, meeting Lucas’s eyes then. “You have to let her be who she wants to be.” But Lucas just shook his head with tight lips – wanting nothing to do with that plan. How could he just let her slip away…didn’t they understand that if she didn’t have anyone to pull her back she was going to lose even more? 
> 
> “No. it’s not the same thing.” Lucas protested and stood. “I’m not going to lose her, and I’m not going to let her lose herself.” He turned to the one person he hoped would have his back. “Riley, you’re with me on this right? We can’t just let her self-destruct like this.” He pleaded for the help of the most optimistic of them all, but her smile didn’t look the same as she met his eyes. 
> 
> Riley had been quiet through most of the conversation, a simple nod here and there had been enough until then. She didn’t want to speak; she didn’t want to be part of this. She was sure most of what was happening was her fault. How could she have gone years without ever seeing what was happening to Maya. Over time little things started to come back to her…bruises, excuses, and the moment they met when Maya talked about yelling. She truly felt she should have seen it, should have known and been able to help before it went too far – before someone died. 
> 
> “I…” She began with a shrug. “I don’t know.” She admitted with a slight shrug, keeping her own feelings at bay as she felt like those three words summed up how she felt about everything right then. She knew nothing. Not about life, not about Maya, not about anything at all. 
> 
> “Riles?” Farkle questioned with concern in his eyes. “Are you okay?”
> 
> “I’m fine, this is about Maya.” She reminded him, not wanting the focus on her. They needed to focus on Maya and how to make any of this better. 
> 
> “Exactly!” Lucas jumped in. “it’s about Maya and we can’t just do nothing.”
> 
> “What do you want us to do?” Zay asked seriously. 
> 
> Lucas opened his mouth to reply, but closed it quickly, truthfully not knowing what they should do. “I don’t know, but not nothing. We can’t just let her keep going like this. She’s going to get hurt, she’s going to get in trouble, it’s going to get worse if we don’t show her there’s another way.”
> 
> Zay let out a sigh. “You can’t tell her how to deal with this, Lucas. None of us have any idea what she’s going through. I know you care about her, we all do, but…this isn’t something we get any say in. We just need to be there when she needs us, make sure she knows we’re not going anywhere.” Lucas’s face fell with the realization that his friend was right. As much as he wanted to take everything on himself to spare her, as much as he wanted to make it all better again, he knew he couldn’t this time. He had his demons but nothing like what she was going through.
> 
>  
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> Despite the words of his friends Lucas couldn’t let go of his feelings about Maya. It began to plague him, anytime she wasn’t around he worried about where she was, what she was doing. It had begun to consume him so much that the next time she took off, he decided to follow her.
> 
> “I’ll catch you guys later.” He muttered as they all walked out of school – his eyes on the back of Maya’s head as she went the opposite direction. She rarely hung out with them at Topanga’s after school any more, taking off as soon as they got outside and leaving them all behind. 
> 
> He watched as she walked with determination down the block, his long legs easily keeping stride with her short quick paces. Lucas followed but kept his distance, knowing she wouldn’t take well to being followed. But it was hard not to call out her name, to stop her from continuing into what felt more and more like a sketchy neighborhood. 
> 
> When she walked into the apartment building with a steel gate instead of a doorman, he knew it was bad news. He ran to catch up, but couldn’t close the distance in time. When he reached the door it closed with a bang in his face. Despite his pulling on the door, despite it looking as if it might fall off...it wouldn’t budge. 
> 
> He contemplated leaving several times – but each time someone gave him a look as they walked by, his unease settled more for Maya’s sake than his own. He could take care of himself, but could she?
> 
> It was nearly an hour before she came back out, laughing to no one and stumbling. The smile on her face was like none he’d ever seen. And to make matters worse – she walked right past him and didn’t even know he was there. He blinked a few times as she walked, stunned. Was she drunk? Or high? Maybe both? How could he have been so blind? So stupid? If he so easily missed this, what else had he missed?


	3. Chapter 3

> Lucas scanned the crowded room, looking around for that familiar blonde hair, he knew she was there somewhere. She’d been texting him and from the looks of them all she was clearly drunk or high and he wasn’t sure which but he worried either way. If he were honest, he always worried about her but more so when he knew she was under the influence. 
> 
> His heart began to race when he finally spotted her climbing out the window onto the fire escape. All he could imagine was that in her state she would fall from the 5th floor into the alley below and he’d lose her. He pushed through people to get to the window only to see her leaning over the rail when he popped his head out. 
> 
> “Maya!” He exclaimed and reached for her quickly, grabbing a hold of her jacket as he stepped outside. 
> 
> She turned against his arm and leaned towards him with a laugh. “Calm down, Huckleberry, I’m just having a smoke.” She told him, stepping out of his grasp. “What are you doing here?” 
> 
> He looked at her closely, taking in the glassy look to her eyes and the unnaturally large smile on her lips. “I came to see you.” He told her, wondering how much she’d had to drink already. “Maybe take you home.”
> 
> She let out a loud laugh as she exhaled a puff of smoke. “Take me home? Aww Huckleberry, I already told you…you don’t want this.” She teased, shaking her head and turning away as he frowned at her. 
> 
> “Yeah, you’ve mentioned. How about you let me take you to your home.”
> 
> “Don’t have one.” She practically sang as she leaned over the railing once more. “What would you do if I fell over the edge?” She asked, without looking back at him. She took one more drag from the cigarette and then watched as it fell from her fingers, five floors down to the alley below. 
> 
> “Maya….” He sighed sadly and reached for the back of her jacket again. 
> 
> “You gonna save me, Ranger Rick?” She asked, turning back to him once more. She leaned against the railing and shifted to sit on the edge. 
> 
> “Maya.” His voice was flat this time, almost warning as he stepped closer and wrapped his arm around her to pull her back to her feet. “Stop it.”
> 
> “Aww, are you scared?” She teased, tilting her head up as she smiled at him, closer to his face.
> 
> He met her eyes, leaned in so close. “Yeah, I am.” He admitted as he reached and pushed a hand through her hair as the wind blew it across her face. “I’d save you if I could, you know.”
> 
> But he’d gotten too close then and she pulled back from his touch. “I don’t need saving. Go home.” She muttered as she slipped out of his arms and climbed back in the window before he could stop her. 
> 
> Lucas leaned against the wall near the window and watched as she moved away from him and wrapped her arms around a senior named Chris Bradley. He furrowed his brows as she leaned in and whispered something against Chris’ ear in a way that made Lucas clench a fist. She was doing this on purpose, he knew it but could do nothing to stop it. 
> 
> “Hey, Lucas.” He turned at the sound of his name to see Lexi, a girl in his science class, stepping in close with a red plastic cup in her hand. “I didn’t think I’d see you here tonight.” She stepped in closer to him – much like Maya did with Chris, but Lucas didn’t put an arm around her as Chris had done with Maya. “Want me to get you a beer?” She asked with flirtatious eyes looking up at him. 
> 
> “No, thanks.” He told her, looking past her to see Maya moving down the hall and out of sight. Before Lexi could say another word, Lucas was walking away from her on a mission to find Maya. The hall held a couple of people and several closed doors. “Shit” He muttered under his breath, feeling defeated. She was in one of those rooms. She was in one of those rooms with Chris. He knew he had two choices. He could either stand here and wait like a chump, or he could go find her and stop her from making a mistake. 
> 
> Lucas wasn’t a chump.
> 
> He knocked hard on the doors and called her name. Twice he got a ‘wrong room’ yelled back at him and with two doors left he knew she was in one of them. “Maya!” He shouted, banging hard on the door to the next room. When the door swung open, Chris stood before Lucas already looking disheveled and without a shirt. Lucas seemed to see red. He glared hard and reached for Chris, grabbing the older boy by the back of the neck and pulling him forward hard. Chris hadn’t expected the grab and went face first into the wall on the other side of the door. Before he could recover, Lucas was inside the room and had closed and locked the door behind him. 
> 
> “You son of a bitch! You’re dead!” Chris yelled from the other side, hitting the door but Lucas was only paying attention to Maya.
> 
> “What is wrong with you!?” She snapped at him as she pulled her own shirt back on.
> 
> “Me?! What’s wrong with you?! What are you doing with him in here?”
> 
> “What the fuck does it look like?!” She shouted back at him. “You had no right to come in here and get in my business!” She tried to step past him but Lucas stopped her. “Get off, Lucas!” She shoved him away from her but he barely moved back. 
> 
> “Why are you doing this? You don’t even like him?” He let out a sigh as he leaned against the door, refusing to move and let her out. “You are my business, I care about you, I’m trying to stop you from doing something you’re gonna regret.”
> 
> “You don’t know what I’d regret.” She snapped back at him. “Now get out of my way.”
> 
> “No, I know you, I know you don’t really want this.”
> 
> The laugh that escaped her lips was almost cruel. “You think so? I think it’s you who doesn’t want this to happen.” She eyed him, despite the alcohol in her system she stared him down as if she could see through him. “You don’t want me doing something you don’t like…or maybe you just don’t want me doing something with someone that’s not you.” 
> 
> Lucas tried not to show the hurt he felt when she got like this. She seemed to aim to hurt him and he had to remind himself that it wasn’t the Maya he knew, she got like this when she drank too much, or when he got too close to her. It was just a defense mechanism like Farkle had told him. 
> 
> “Tell me something, Huckleberry…are you a virgin?” She eyed him. “Are you as pure as you want everyone to think? I don’t think you are. I think you lost it a while ago but don’t want us to know. Are you ashamed?” His cheeks went red, she was baiting him, but he’d rather her be doing this to him than being in here alone with Chris. “How old were you?” She continued, giving him a wicked look. “I was 14.”
> 
> That one caught him off guard. How much about her did anyone really know? He blinked at her a few times and nodded as he shut himself off. “Fine, you wanna do this?” he challenged. “You were 14. So what? I don’t care Maya, you can throw it all at me. Nothing you say is going to make me go away. I love you and I am going to be here for you no matter what.”
> 
> She stared at him when the word ‘love’ came out, but was quick to blow it off. “You think so, huh?” She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “I could tell you things I’ve done that would shock you and make sure you never looked at me the same way again. You’d see I don’t need your protection, I don’t need anything from anyone.”
> 
> “So tell me. If you want me to leave you alone so badly, then tell me.” He stared into her eyes, never imagining she could tell him something that would make him look at her differently.
> 
> “I smoke.”
> 
> “I know.”
> 
> “I drink.”
> 
> “I know.”
> 
> “I do drugs.”
> 
> “Know that too.”
> 
> “I-I have sex. A lot. With people I barely know.” 
> 
> He just shrugged as he continued to stare into her eyes. 
> 
> “I…” She opened her mouth, but hesitated. 
> 
> “What?!” He pressed. Trying to prove to her that nothing she said could push him away. “C’mon Maya, what do you do? What’s so bad? Huh? So far nothing yet. What’s supposed to shock me, huh?” She clenched her fists at her sides and while he knew he was getting to her he didn’t stop. He pushed and pushed and she could feel the words bubbling to the surface. She breathed heavy, trying to hold it in as he prodded at her. “Did you kick a puppy? Did you have a bad thought about Riley? C’mon _Penelope_ , what’s so bad? What could you have possibly done?”
> 
> “I killed my dad!” She blurted out in anger. “I held the gun! I shot him!” Both of them froze in place then, staring at one another with wide eyes. Maya’s hand lifted quickly to her mouth. What had she just done? Her heart raced as her eyes darted around as if expecting someone else to be lurking there to hear her secret. With one more look to Lucas she pushed past him and rushed out the door. 
> 
> It only took him a moment to recover before he was following her – through the party, out the door and down five flights of stairs. “Maya! Stop!” He called out several times and finally she did – but not for him. He found her outside on the curb throwing up in the gutter. He didn’t think about her words when he saw her, only that she needed him. He moved up behind her on instinct and took her long hair into his hands, holding it back for her. 
> 
> Lucas rubbed her back as Maya sobbed while vomiting in the street. When there was nothing left she just went down, sitting on the sidewalk with her knees pulled to her chest. She sobbed against her knees as he sat down beside her, wrapping strong arms around her shaking body. “I had to do it!” She cried out. “He was gonna kill me and my mom, he was gonna…” 
> 
> “Shhh.” He told her as he held her close to him. “It’s okay, you had to do it, Maya. You didn’t do anything wrong.” But as he spoke it was all sinking in. The blonde beauty he’d loved so much, the girl he admired and adored, the sweet artist….had murdered a man. It was self-defense and he truly didn’t blame her for doing it - but he’d never imagined she was actually capable of it until then. 


	4. Chapter 4

 

> Maya looked up at Lucas as he held her against him. She swiped the back of her hand across her mouth as she pulled back. The cool night air on her face began to bring her back. She’d told him. She’d told him the one thing she’d promised never to tell anyone. If he told…
> 
> She looked at him for a moment, hardening herself against him. “You can’t tell anyone, Lucas.” She said flatly. 
> 
> He watched as her demeanor changed right before his eyes. Who was she? Which one was the real Maya? Was it the one who opened up, was it this one who looked almost threatening as she stared at him. He blinked a few times. “Maya.” His brow furrowed slightly. “I would never do anything to put you in harm’s way, you know that.” He offered her his hand to hold. “You can trust me.”
> 
> Her eyes shifted from his face to his extended hand and back again. She just nodded, not taking his hand in her own. “I don’t trust anyone, Huckleberry.” Her words were harder than her eyes let on and he couldn’t help but frown. She stared at his hurt face for a moment before turning on her heels and starting away from him.
> 
> Lucas watched as she took off, part of him wanted to chase her down, follow her, anything to try to protect her. But another part of him was frozen in place. She had told him so much, more than anyone else knew. He’d guessed some of what she revealed, but knowing she was capable of killing…that was beyond anything he’d have ever assumed about her.
> 
> Lucas, much like everyone else who knew her, had read everything about the trial and her mother’s guilt. He knew Kermit Hart had been shot at close range in the chest. He knew the man was abusive and had been beating his wife and child for more than a decade. He knew Maya was in pain and her mother had protected her…except that part wasn’t true. Maya had done the protecting that night. Maya had stopped her father for the last time. He felt like he could see it all happening in his mind as he stared at her back moving away from him. He felt like he could see her small hands wrapping around a revolver, that he could see tears in her eyes as she pulled the trigger.
> 
> But it hit him then, his eyes going wide as the reporting of the case came back to him. Mrs. Hart had been convicted because her husband had been down when he was shot, he’d been on the ground and the shooter stood over him. _Maya_ stood over him and shot him. It wasn’t an accident; she’d done it on purpose. She’d meant to do it. He swallowed hard, feeling his own stomach begin to churn this time. He held back from being sick in the street as she had been, forcing his head up as he walked. She was out of sight then, but he was no longer looking for her as he headed home. 
> 
> He sat silently on the subway with his mind reeling. He couldn’t save her, he couldn’t protect her, he couldn’t do anything for her. He was useless to her. He’d wanted so much to bring her back to them, to save her…but he couldn’t. He felt broken, felt weak and ashamed. He let her walk away after saying she could trust him. How was he supposed to keep this kind of a secret? Her mother took the blame to protect her…could he keep that going? Could he hold this inside? How could he not? He’d failed her for years already. But this was so big…and she was doing it all alone. 
> 
> This was why she was so messed up, Farkle was wrong. It wasn’t because people knew about her home life; it was because she’d done something horrible and couldn’t help herself. Maybe he hadn’t failed yet…maybe he could still help her. Somehow. 
> 
> It was several blocks before Maya allowed herself to glance back and see if he was behind her. It would be like him to follow her…but no one was there. Her face fell, but only for a moment as she reminded herself she didn’t want him to follow. She didn’t want him trying to save her. She’d finally told him enough to push him away – it was what she wanted…wasn’t it?
> 
> As she walked, Maya found herself stopping in front of a dark building she hadn’t been to in months. She looked up at the home she once shared with her family and forced her tears away before they could fall. She climbed the fire escape without thinking and looked into the room that once belonged to her. While part of her hoped to see a new family living there, a happy family that would take away the painful past of that home – she felt strangely relieved to see the room was an empty blank slate. 
> 
> She jimmied the window open, having done it more times than she could remember. The room smelled like paint, but the paint couldn’t cover the memories all around her as she slipped in. Despite the lack of furniture, she could still picture where everything was. Her bed, dresser, and the closet she used to hide in. There was a burn mark on the window sill from where she started smoking. 
> 
> She moved silently through the empty apartment, seeing more of her past with every step. Everything was clean and crisp, ready for a new tenant….but she only saw flashes from everything she lived through. There didn’t seem to be a room in the home that she hadn’t been hit in. 
> 
> As she moved through the hall she found the one place that wasn’t cleaned – the one stain that couldn’t be buffed out and painted over. The cheap hardwood floors stained deeply with blood from where her father lay. They’d managed to fix the holes in the walls, paint over the splattered blood from the blows Kermit had given them both. But the pool of blood her father died in was too big to wash away. 
> 
> Maya looked down at the stain and could see her father lying there again. She could see his eyes looking up at her, taunting her as she held the gun in shaking hands. She could hear her mother’s cries from behind her.
> 
> She didn’t even notice the tears that fell silently down her cheeks - there was so much pain in this apartment. She wondered why she’d even come. But as she let her eyes focus on the stain once more, she knew. She belonged there in her own hell, she’d done a terrible thing and never paid for it. Her mother paid for the crimes that she committed…and now after a stupid slip of the tongue, she may have ruined that too.
> 
> Her father was right all along, she was useless and ruined everything.
> 
> What made it worse for Maya was knowing that when she finally left the apartment and went to the Matthew’s – what was supposed to be her home – that she didn’t want to be there. She was appreciative of a warm bed and a home and people who loved her, but it made he feel even worse about herself. She didn’t deserve them; she didn’t need to bring her evil into their lives. She wasn’t a good person, she was bad, and she’d always been bad.
> 
>   
>  _Maya held the gun tightly in her hand, finger on the trigger. She’d never shot a gun before… Would it hurt? Would it stop him? Would this all be over? She swallowed hard and squeezed her finger against the trigger. It was harder to pull than she thought, she had to squeeze hard. The kick back of the gun wasn’t strong, but her arm jerked slightly._
> 
> _She looked down, seeing her father lying in the pool of blood. The black gaping hole in his chest was growing bigger and bigger. Maya’s eyes went wide as his whole torso was turning black. It spread to his arms and then his legs. And as it reached his face, his eyes opened quickly. He met Maya’s shocked expression with blood red eyes and a fearsome grin widening on his face._
> 
> _He pulled himself up, his body moving as if there were no injury at all. He reached quickly for the gun in her hand. His touch burned and she let go of her only weapon. She backed away, wanting her mother, terrified but unable to scream._
> 
> _His black hand lifted, aiming the gun at Maya – but then his arm shifted. The gun made no sound as it went off. Everything slowed down. Maya watched as the bullet moved through the air – past her and right for her mother._
> 
> _Maya let out a shrill scream as the bullet penetrated her mother in a matching chest wound just like her father. But Katy didn’t fall. She stood bleeding with a pained expression on her face. “Maya…” She whimpered, eyes pleading with her daughter._
> 
> “No!” Maya screamed out, jerking up quickly. She panted for air, eyes darting around quickly. “Mommy?!” She called out, reaching out but feeling nothing but the hard floor. After a moment her eyes adjusted to the darkness. She was still in the apartment, lying on the floor where her bed had once been. 
> 
> Maya sniffled back her tears and wiped her eyes as she stood. She glanced at her phone – it was 3 AM and she had no messages. But of course she didn’t. Who would message her? Lucas was likely done with her forever now. Topanga and Cory had given up trying to tell her to come home – just like Riley they didn’t bother now. 
> 
> She pulled her coat tight as she walked home, a cigarette dangling from her lips. She walked with a murderous look that kept anyone still on the streets at bay. She kept her walls up – not letting anyone see that fear still lingered in the back of her mind – especially after another nightmare. 


End file.
